18 August 2025
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Everything feels different even though a lot of it's the same.
Just a week ago I was in a completely different mindset and was so comfortable. First week of uni wasn't
tough by any means, but it's just... a lot of changes. It's definitely exasperated by the fact that I
haven't done anything in a couple years. My adjustment disorder was really bad a few years ago, but just
like every other intense emotion I used to feel back then, it feels more mellowed out right now. Is that a
good thing or a bad thing? I don't know.
I hope I can feel better soon.
I had a dream where everything was just wrong. My dreams often feel wrong, just a little off. The Street
Fighter was different, the music playing was different too, almost like I was in an alternate reality. I
woke up and I didn't feel like I was home. My room was the same, the house was the same, but it feels so
different. It's so uncomfortable. I realise I stopped playing alot of the games I've been playing
recently. Some of it is just unfortunate timing, like how I lost interest in ZZZ's story. But maybe some
subconscious part of me could feel the change coming and stopped doing things I know I enjoy out of
anxiety or something. I don't know. Haven't played Street Fighter in a while. I still raid. But we aren't
doing TOP like we have been doing for the past months (this is a good thing, but unfortunate timing
again). One of our long time members might have to stop raiding with us soon too. Again, terrible timing.
There's so much change happening recently and it's so much to take in. It's easy to "MAN MODE" and barrel
through it when the brain is busy and occupied but when it all eventually slows down, when the lights go
out and I'm alone with my thoughts, it's impossible to ignore. I haven't felt this way since I was in the
army. I've been talking too much too. God. I need my alone time. My mind is racing racing racing racing
racing and won't stop.
At the very least, I've been enjoying reading the content in Literature (though it can be quite time
consuming). I'm learning about the Middle Ages and some of the content like seeing seemingly unrelated
subjects like Nordic imagery of Ragnarok along with imagery of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ on the same
artifact was pretty amazing to learn about. A lot of the games I play make reference to old literature as
well, and the first one I've read is Beowulf! So, now I know the origins of Grendel and Hrunting from GBF.
I hope I never forget how it felt during the week I created this website. There were a whole bunch of
annoyances that always come with coding but I was relaxed. At peace? If that makes sense. It felt good,
like I was in my element. Recently I can't relax. I'm filled with anxious energy that gets me to do things
but I don't know how sustainable this is. I hope I never forget how it felt during the week I created this website.
Hopefully I feel better this week. 2 days felt like 5 last week. I'm not an optimist but I have a gut
feeling that things should calm down soon. (please? brain?).
I want to watch Weapons and the Jujutsu Kaisen recap movie coming out soon.
I looked at the RPGmaker devlog page and I want to get ideas for AELYVENTURES I WANT TO MAKE IT REAL!!!
I want to go to Japan again!! I want to go to Texas one day!!! I want to visit my friend in Wisconsin!!! I want to visit my friend in Greece!!!
If anyone besides the pizza gods are reading, thank you.
This is the second entry.
